


A casual talk about prison

by thatpanfander



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Demiboy Deceit | Janus Sanders, M/M, Multi, Other, its literally what the title says, platonic or romantic, remus isnt in this im sorry, theyre such a chaotic famILY, tw prison mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-19
Updated: 2021-01-19
Packaged: 2021-03-17 20:53:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,984
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28855398
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thatpanfander/pseuds/thatpanfander
Summary: "Sure, we can cuddle. If it helps you feel better, why the fuck not?" The snek takes off the glasses, placing them on the coffee table. He scooches over on the loveseat, making room for Patton."Language" Patton taunts, smiling.Janus waves their hand dismissively, continuing their spiel, "I am called the self-care menace, after all"Patton giggles, "I like to think of you as the self-care snek boi instead, but sure, let's say you're the menace"ORPatton's sad and Janus distracts him by talking about prison
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil/Creativity | Roman/Deceit | Janus/Logic | Logan/Morality | Patton (Sanders Sides), Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders & Deceit | Janus Sanders
Kudos: 26





	A casual talk about prison

"Hey, Janus?" Patton questions timidly, doing the thing with his fingers that means gay sex in sign language.

"What's up?" The hatted man responds, peering at Patton over the sunglasses that he stole from Remy earlier that day. They had a fun time.

"Um, so I know this might not fit well with your whole aesthetic or whatever but uh..." he trails off nervously, glancing up at the mismatched eyes.

"Buttttt......" Janus prompts, peering further over the sunglasses.

Patton chuckles timidly, looking down "but could you- sorry this is so embarrassing, could we cuddle? I totally understand if you don't want to cause it's such a weird thing to ask, but like if you're ok with it- I'm sorry I should just-"

"Sure"

Patton's eyes widen, "What?"

"Sure, we can cuddle. If it helps you feel better, why the fuck not?" The snek takes off the glasses, placing them on the coffee table. He scooches over on the loveseat, making room for Patton.

"Language" Patton taunts, smiling.

Janus waves their hand dismissively, continuing their spiel, "I am called the self-care menace, after all"

Patton giggles, "I like to think of you as the self-care snek boi instead, but sure, let's say you're the menace"

"Hush, let me keep at least some of my aesthetic. I might as well make some attempt."

"Alright, alright"

By this point, Patton has sat down and their limbs are intertwined snugly. Somehow, they've managed to make what would usually be an awkward situation into a comfortable one. The two sit in silence for a moment, just enjoying each others' company before Janus speaks up.

"So..."

"Yeah?" Patton shifts his head up slightly, showing he's paying attention.

"Who hurt you and where do they live? I'm not gonna do anything bad or anything, I'd just like to know" He curls one gloved hand into a fist.

"Janus!" the moral side exclaims, playfully punching the others' chest.

"What?! I told you I'm not gonna do anything bad, I might just give them a little nudge-"

"To be nicer to me? Aw, that's sw-"

"-down a flight of stairs"

Jolting- and nearly falling off the chair- Patton cries, "JANUS YOU SNEK"

"I told you," they reply, just a bit too calmly, "I'm not a snek, I'm a menace to society."

"You do realize that that's not helping your case, don't you?" Patton questions, turning around to look them in the eye.

"But this isn't news to you, we've already had a conversation about how I'm menacing." Janus refutes.

"Yes, but when you're talking about murder it would be better to be thought of as a snek than as a menace"

He shrugs, "Ah, well, I'll be caught at some point soon anyway, might as well go down without fear."

"You're not gonna put up a fight?" Patton demands, turning even further around.

"Nah, prison seems kinda chill anyway, there's probably a lot more menaces there that I could scheme with." They reply, checking their nails- or rather, their gloves.

Patton turns around suddenly, huffing, "Then I'd come with you. I want to meet all these so-called menaces"

It's only then that Janus tenses up, "No, you can't come with, Pat"

"What, why not??"

They hesitate, trying to form their reasoning into words. "... you're too sweet for that life."

The cat-loving side harumphs.

"Plus, I don't want you meeting other menaces. And prison's no place for you." Janus adds on.

Their banter is paused for a moment, both of them thinking.

"Does this mean that when you're imprisoned, if I'm there you'll put up a fight?" Patton suggests hopefully.

"...no"

"You sure about that? you sounded hesitant" He's smirking now- well, as much as Patton has the ability to smirk.

Janus sighs, relenting, "Fine. I'd put up a fight for you."

"Aw, Janus!" Patton turns once more to hug the other side, grinning.

"I'M STILL A MENACE" they assert but accept the hug.

"Of course of course" the moral side assured, pulling away and giving Janus a patton the back. They fall into silence for a couple of seconds once more.

"Actually..." Janus says, clearly having an epiphany, side eying Patton and pulling his hat down to that perfect height that made him look like one of those guys in those old movies where they're looking slyly at a girl or something, you know what I'm talking about. Yeah, that.

"Uh oh, I don't like the sound of that"

"I'd find a way to put the blame on myself instead of you and you would go free while I got to go to prison"

"Janus, nooooooooo" Patton whines, laughing and covering his face with his hands.

The snek boi lets out a rare, small smile, "But yesssss, though"

At that moment, Virgil walks in, "What's all this talk about prison?"

The two look up and Janus responds "Just that I'm going to prison at some point to meet fellow menaces and that Patton darling will not be coming with me"

Virgil nods thoughtfully as if this is a regular occurrence- which, to be honest, it probably is. He grabs a granola bar from the kitchen and then walks back over to them, plopping down on top of them in the most uncomfortable way possible. Janus and Patton make sounds of discontentment, but Virgil cuts them off by saying "I want in."

"Virgeeeeeee, whyyyy???? You shouldn't encourage them!" Patton whines, slumping down as much as possible.

Virgil shrugs, "I wanna scheme with people," he takes another bite of his granola bar.

"See?! He agrees with me, Patt," Janus says smiling.

Patton groans in response, "but I wanna come with you guysssss"

Roman enters then, "Where is it that we are going?"

"NOWHERE" Virgil and Janus shout in unison.

Roman pouts and Patton huffs, crossing his arms, "Fine, if you guys get to go and I don't, that means I get to have Roman stay with me."

"I'm still confused as to where we're going," Roman points out, coming to sit on the arm of the chair. That chair is going to break if they're not careful.

"You are not going anywhere, but Virgil and I are going to prison," Janus explains, smiling.

"What?! What did you guys do to go to prison??" Roman demands incredulously.

"Janus is gonna murder whoever hurt me-"

"That's not accurate! I said I'd gently shove them down several flights of stairs! We don't know if they'll die or not!" Janus argues.

"-And Virgil..." Patton continues and then trails off, "Virge, what did you do?"

"Oh, I'm just Jan's accomplice."

Patton nods and looks to Roman, checking if that interaction was helpful.

"I am utterly confuzzled, hold on, let me break this down. Patton?" Roman waves his hands around, trying to clear the confusion, his brow furrowed.

"Yep!"

"You got hurt? Who hurt you?" Roman inquires, trying his best not to sound panicked.

"Oh, I was just a bit sad earlier and I asked Jan for cuddles, so they thought someone hurt me," The moral side recounts, smiling.

"Ok, so nobody actually hurt you and you're doing better now?"

"Yup!"

The princely side sighs in relief, "So then there's no reason for Janus and Virgil to go to prison if there's nobody to push down the stairs, right?"

"Oooh, good point!"

Virgil and Janus exchange a look.

"We'll find a way, don't you worry," Janus smirks.

"Nuuuuuuuu"

"Come onnnnnnnnn"

Patton and Roman commence their whines once more.

The two former dark sides seem to be enjoying themselves.

"Maybe we'll ask your brother for help, Roman," Virgil teases.

"Virgilllllllll, anyone but him!!" The prince groans.

"You don't give him enough credit, Roman, I'm sure he's got quite a few schemes up his sleeve," Janus points out.

"I am sure that he does. However, that does not mean that they're good!!" Roman argues. At this point, he's fallen on top of the pile of sides on the loveseat. It can't be very comfortable for any of them, but nobody complains.

"That's a fair point," the snek concedes, "I guess we'll have to have Logan plan us a scheme," they shrug as Virgil nods along.

Patton speaks up, "But then Logan will go to jail, too!!"

Virgil scoffs, "Nah, he'll find a way to argue out of it. Or avoid it completely. He's too smart for that."

"Shouldn't you let Logan know about this before agreeing that it'll happen?" Roman asks.

"Another good point, thank you, Roman, you're on fire today," Janus responds.

Roman flushes, "Oh, uh, thanks Jan"

Virgil rolls his eyes, "You're such a flirt."

"Excuse me, did you hear something, Pat? No? I guess maybe it was just a fly in my ear," Janus says snarkily, making Virgil huff and elbow him.

"Janus! Be nice! I thought you said you were the self-care menace!" Patton reprehends.

The snek crosses his arms, "Yes, I did. Notice the use of the word 'self'?"

"I did notice that and technically you're supposed to take care of Thomas- that's what 'self' refers to- so that therefore includes Virgil!" Patton replies stubbornly.

Logan appears all of a sudden, seeming to be looking at some papers- nobody knows what the papers are for, he just has them? It happens quite often, so the other sides have just learned not to question it.

He continues to glance over the papers, but says "Greetings, it appears I have been summoned. Perhaps someone gave a good argument of some type or an interesting fact? Or did you need me for someth-" the logical side cuts off as he finally looks up to see the mess that is the pile of sides on the loveseat.

"Hey there Lo!" Patton grins.

Logan appears to be flustered for a moment, trying to take in how the hell they fit their limbs in such a way and how they will have extreme difficulty getting out of their positions.

"Wh- What is this monstrosity of- why did you all choose to sit on this chair when there is a perfectly good couch just two feet away?" He eventually splutters out.

"It's more fun this way!" Roman says, clearly not making a sincere effort to quell Logan's confusion.

Logan just sighs, knowing he won't be able to change their antics, and even if he could he might not want to.

"So, did you require my assistance for something?" He asks, adjusting his glasses unnecessarily. The other four sides look around at each other questioningly.

"Uh, I don't think anyone called you, Lo," Virgil concludes hesitantly.

"Actually, Logan, you said you can be summoned by good arguments, correct?" Janus asks, resting their chin on their hand— nobody knows how they do it with everyone on top of them, but, again, nobody questions it.

"Yes, that would be a correct statement."

"Well then, I am pleased to inform you-" Roman's eyes widen as he realizes what the so-called menace is about to say, "-that Patton just made a particularly good argument."

Logan blinks at the smirk on Janus' face, flabbergasted, "Is that so?"

"Awww Jan, that's so nice of you!" Patton squeals, shifting his position and jostling everyone by hugging the snake side.

"Well, congratulations to you, Patton, I suppose," the logical side adjusts his glasses once more.

"Thanks Logie!!" Patton replies with an enthusiastic grin.

Virgil and Roman exchange a glance before the princely side somehow manages to get up and drag Logan into their pig pile.

"Excuse me, Roman, what are you-"

"Hush, Logan, don't question it," Virgil says, wrapping his arms around him and pulling him further into the black hole that is their pile.

Now, Janus is truly squashed at the bottom, but they don't complain, just enjoying this cuddle time, knowing Thomas is probably in a great mood right now. They smile to themself— secretly of course, nobody can tell; they're still definitely a menace, just maybe not to these four entities.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! This is my first work on AO3 so lmk how I did :)
> 
> Also, yes, Janus is demi cause he's half boy half snek and also he just... is.


End file.
